missing you

Have you tried dreaming of your loved ones who passed away and felt so surreal that it made you cry while sleeping?Well, i always do and it happens to me almost every night.I always dream of my mom.I dreamt that something bad  happened to her or that she’s dying and i always awakened by this kind of dream. It makes me want to call my sister back home and to remind her to take care of mom properly since i’m working abroad.Then the sad reality always hit before i press the call button – that my mom died almost 7 months ago. 
mama
last photo with her
I’m the youngest in the family and i was very close to my mom. I think  got my reserved- nagger, ambitious, stubborn and very sensitive kind of attitude from her.I feel like i’m the exact replica of her attitude.She’s my number one supporter, who cries whenever i travel and won’t go home for a day or two because i’m on a team building,vacation or just simply sleeping over on my friend’s place coz i’m too drunk to go home.
mama 2
we love goofing around 
The nanny that every mom wants to have to take care of their baby.She took good care of my baby and even  before my baby, she already took good care of my sister’s children.I’m so lucky to have her that even if i will be given the chance to choose a mom.I will still choose her. it’s because i see her hard work for us, her unconditional love and how she calls me “inday” (precious one).
I feel like no one can understand me on how i really feel inside.You may say that you understand me coz  you’ve been in the same situation before but we always cope differently and we all have different kind of level on how we love our parents. I have accepted the fact she’s gone a long time ago. I have let her go. It’s just that i miss her so much and i really wanted to kiss her, hug her and hear her voice.Sometimes i just wanna get my self so tired so that whenever i get home i would just sleep and hope that I won’t have the same dream again. Sometimes i drown myself to tears secretly at night while my room mates obliviously know what is happening to me under the sheet.No one can understand you like your mother does not even your sister or your best friend.
Wherever she is right now, I know she’s watching over me and will always guide me to the best road of my life. I love you Ma Nesa.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. mitch
    Jul 01, 2015 @ 04:27:27

    llana,this so heartbreaking.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: